I am not sure what is next for me. A few months ago at this point, i had wrote down some of my psychotic symptoms…. Mainly severe dissociation and the sense of doom… I don’t really remember. Well, that went away for a period of time. It seems it has returned. It seems things are much worse than before. Even with proper sleep, even with a low heartbeat, and now in fine physical health, i just dont feel human. I dont know if it is psychosis… I will tell my symptoms.

Of course for the last 2 years i have been dealing with intrusive and ruminating thoughts.. That of course has not gone away, if anything it has only gotten worse during this period of time.. And when it all comes down to it, that is probably the root cause behind this madness. At least what lays in those thoughts… Regardless, i just name that as a symptom. I also feel a numb dissociation, and a distanglement from linearity. As a movie almost, it seems as i just move between scenes… or more so that i just appear out of a scene. Like i am stepping from one scene to the next.. I dont want to exagerate and embelish the story as that will do myself no good. So let me think carefully. But i just have a hard time making sense of things. Of my thoughts, sort of… but that is nothing new. Everything kind of just feels like a blur. Of course the most debilitating symptom of this all is the panic and sense of doom i feel. The constant paranoia and feeling of anxiety. Everything seems to scare me. Im not sure what to do. Of course, i do know my surroundings. i know my name. I am not sure what the issue is.